Archive

Posts Tagged ‘Fourstory.org’

COMMIE GIRL ON JURY DUTY: BENDING THE MORAL ARC OF JUSTICE ALL OVER YOUR ASS

FAIR IS FAIR, RIGHT?

BY REBECCA SCHOENKOPF / FOURSTORY.ORG

Remember last week when I said we would talk about parks today? Oh, I had so much opining to do, and you … you were going to listen!

But that was before I got jury duty, and you … you, but of course, got it with me. Now! Everyone knows I love jury duty—I do! Doing my civic duty gets me all tingly and happy, and if I could wear my “I Voted” sticker all year long without looking like a homeless who doesn’t change her clothes, I would. Voting and jury duty in the same week? The French have a name for that, and it is “hog heaven.”

And so we got a courtroom, and a voir dire, and an almost-unheard-of one-day trial, and it was the stupidest case you’ve ever seen in your long life of seeing stupid cases. There was our judge, welcoming us with Dr. King’s quote about the moral arc of the universe bending towards justice—lovely!—and in our case, “justice” was some simpering lunatic chick suing a perfectly wonderful young man who didn’t do a thing wrong. Young lady, we will bend the moral arc of justice all over your ass! READ MORE

COMMIE GIRL AND THE TIMESHARE HARD-SELL: THE JOY OF LOVING THINGS YOU HATE

May 23, 2010 2 comments

BY REBECCA SCHOENKOPF / FOURSTORY.ORG

Yes, we would love to attend a timeshare presentation at Kona Resort in exchange for $150 cash and lunch. I mean it. Love.

Paul was worried. He had never endured a hard-sell for a timeshare before, had never selflessly signed up so as to get gifts he could then present to his loved ones. I got this boombox for you, Mom, and I didn’t just buy it, I suffered for it, because I love you like Jesus does. Greg and Annie, please accept this weekend in Catalina. I said no to a timeshare salesperson for a very long time in order to get it for you. I love you, Greg and Annie. Love!

“It’ll be fun!” I kept explaining to Paul. Doesn’t he understand about things being so awful that they become exquisite? That just like pure perfect rage excites the same part of the primitive brain as drugs or sex or candy, pure perfect loathing excites our adrenalin centers, and not only that but it would be a loathing shared between the two of us, and later we could laugh and cackle about it together? Doesn’t he know the joy of loving things you hate?

READ THE REST AT FOURSTORY.ORG